Learn To Laugh More

Research has consistently shown real health benefits from laughter ranging from strengthening the immune system to reducing food cravings, to increasing a person’s threshold for pain. There's even an emerging therapeutic field known as humour therapy to help people heal more quickly.

Laughter connects us with others. Also, laughter is contagious, so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more, and realise these benefits as well. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can reduce their stress levels, and perhaps improve the quality of your experience with them which helps to reduce your stress level even more!

Laughter is one of the best stress management strategies because it's free, convenient, and beneficial in so many ways. Here are some great ways you can get more laughter in your life:

T.V. and Films:
There's no shortage of laughter opportunities from the entertainment, both at the theatre and in the aisles of the video stores, as well as at home with T.V. comedies. Every month or so, my friend and I visit one of the Laurel and Hardy evenings that take place in and around the region. We join other Laurel and Hardy fans and watch these classic old films and just laugh. Even though we’ve all seen them countless times they never fail to reduce everyone to tears of laughter.

When you hear laughter, move toward it.
Sometimes humour and laughter are private, a shared joke among a small group, but usually not. More often, people are very happy to share something funny because it gives them an opportunity to laugh again and feed off the humour you find in it. When you hear laughter, seek it out and ask, “What’s so funny?”

Laugh With Friends:
Going to a comedy club with friends is another great way to get more laughter. The contagious effects of laughter may mean you'll laugh more than you otherwise would have during the show, plus you'll have jokes to reference at later times. Having friends over for a party or game night is also a great setup for laughter and other good feelings.

Look For The Humour In Your Life:
Instead of complaining about life's frustrations, try to laugh about them. If something is so frustrating or depressing it's ridiculous, realise that you could 'look back on it and laugh.' Think of how it will sound as a story you could tell to your friends, and then see if you can laugh about it now. With this attitude, you may also find yourself being more light-hearted and silly, giving yourself and those around you more to laugh about. Approach life in a more jovial way and you'll find you're less stressed about negative events, and you'll achieve the health benefits of laughter.


'Fake It Until You Make It':
Just as studies show the positive effects of smiling occur whether the smile is faked or real, faked laughter also provides the benefits mentioned above. So smile more often, and fake laughter; you'll still achieve positive effects, and the fake merriment may lead to the real thing.

Join a laughter club.
This is where participants gather in the early morning for the sole purpose of laughing. They are becoming as popular as Rotary Clubs in the United States. In this country there are even telephone laughter clubs where you dial into a conference call to laugh with other people prior to going to work so you all start the day in a great and inspiring way.


Laughing doesn’t just boost the immune system and lessen stress; it can also shave off those calories! Researchers from Vanderbilt University in America locked people in a room to watch comedy clips on TV and found that those who laughed used 20 percent more energy than those who didn’t. So, start laughing for 10 to 15 minutes a day and you will be able to burn off 2.2 kilograms of calories a year!

Laughter is a birthright, a natural part of life. The part of the brain that connects to and facilitates laughter is among the first parts of the nervous system to come on line after birth. Infants begin smiling during the first weeks of life and laugh out loud within months of being born. Even if you did not grow up in a household where laughter was a common sound, you can learn to laugh at any stage of life. Why not start now?

Great Telephone Interviews

More and more organisations are saving time and effort by conducting an initial round of telephone interview before calling you for a face to face meeting in their office. Often they ask you in the advert to call them and interview you there and then. If you’re job hunting and you haven’t experienced this yet, it’s likely that you will in the future. A phone interview needs a slightly different approach and needs to be done well if you want that all important second chance, your voice and the way you project yourself over the phone can make all the difference.

Here are some good ways to make the process easier.

1. Visit the employers' website
Prior to the interview, (not just an hour before!), Visit the employers' website and learn about the firm. Most companies upload the job specifications in the 'career' or 'work with us' section of the website. This will give you a fair idea about the key skills required for a certain role. It may be that you can find some snippet of news or information regarding something you have experience or knowledge of that you can drop into the conversation if appropriate.

2. Also prior to the interview Make notes
Keep some notes ready about the job description and your key strengths and accomplishments. It's a good idea to keep your CV in front of you as well. It all helps to jog your memory and prevent you forgetting things you really wanted to get across. Remember, they can’t see you so they can't see if you’ve got these documents for review.

3. Make some Practice calls
Call a friend from the actual phone you will use for the call and ask them to listen to your voice on the phone. Maybe your voice shrills; you speak too softly or too fast to be understood. You might discover a poor quality or dodgy microphone on the handset you didn’t realise you had. Ask for feedback and request that they critique your voice. If you need to then use another phone – Remember you won’t get a second chance!

4. Once you call them Get to the point fast
Make sure you choose an appropriate time and find a comfortable and relaxed setting for the call. Many bosses can tell you about calls people have made during their lunch breaks and needed to go outside the building for privacy and ended up losing reception on their mobile phones. Don’t put yourself in this position. Instead schedule the call for a more convenient time when you know you will be in a quiet, uninterrupted location without the concern of being overheard. This also gives you the chance to relax and gather your thoughts before the call.
The employer is already expecting calls from candidates. They know why you’re calling, so don't waste their time by giving them a reference of where you saw their advertisement or asking them, if there are any openings. Greet them, state your name and get to the point. Keep a glass of water ready next to you. Sometimes nerves can give you a dry mouth.

5. Keep a note pad and pen ready
Listen to what they ask and write down their questions so that you can stay on topic. Too often, people forget the original question and beat around the bush like a politician, sometimes saying something they later wish they hadn’t. Stay on target Put yourself in the shoes of the interviewer and provide clear, well thought-through answers to give them the information they require.

6. Keep your voice positive and energetic
Your voice is the only sales tool you have. At all costs stop yourself from sounding tired or uninterested over the phone. Stay energetic and excited, even if they've asked you the same question again. Sometimes an interviewer will ask you the same question in a different way to try to spot inconsistencies. Speak clearly and allow the interviewer time to make notes and probe further on your answers.

Also try to be standing up - an erect and confident poise will help your voice come across more confidently.

7. Be courteous
Be courteous and try not to speak over the interviewer or cut them off. If you do, say "I apologise for interrupting, please complete your question" and let the interviewer continue.

Sooner or later, if you are determined about your career progression it is an audition you will have to get through, so it makes sense to get up to speed with the fundamentals now.

How To Break A Habit

Habits help us but they can also haunt us. Some habits even become obsessive compulsive, such as nail biting, hair pulling & skin picking. Others such as smoking & drinking can alter our lives & even threaten them.

But habits can be broken just as easily as they are created and here’s a way to do it.

Decide how serious you are about breaking the habit. This is going to take a bit of time, effort and concentration. You’re going to have to pay attention to your behaviour so that you can change it. If you don’t have the motivation and commitment to do this then don’t waste your time. But if you do…

It’s important to realise that, regardless of how strange it might seem, behind every behaviour there is a positive intent. Almost without failure the reason for the behaviour clicks into our mind just before we actually do it. Often though that thought that tells us the positive intent comes and goes so quickly in our consciousness that we miss it.

Identify the times, situations and your emotional state when you perform the behaviour or you’re about to perform it. What does this habit do for you? Is it a way to deal with feelings of boredom, anxiety, stress, anger? Habits become automatic so conscious awareness is critical. When you can anticipate that you are about to perform your habitual behaviour before you actually do, you are likely to be more effective in stopping it.

Identify an incompatible behaviour that you can perform to interrupt or pre-empt the problem behaviour. Think of what you could do instead of the habit that would be a more positive way to deal with the feelings or situation. One great example I heard of was a smoker who decided to quit but instead of just shunning cigarettes he always kept a pack with him. He wanted to be able to reach for a cigarette just like normal. So he kept them where he knew they would trigger his habit.

As soon as he caught himself pulling out the pack and taking out a cigarette, he inserted a new habit to piggyback on the old one. With the unlit cigarette in his hand, he'd walk to a waste paper bin and shred the tobacco between his fingers and throw it away. Then he'd slip the pack back into his pocket. He could always pull out a second one and smoke it if he wanted to, but now he had a choice. That second one wasn't a habit-only the first one was. He continued to "use" 3-4 packs a day for a few days, but gradually that new, piggybacked habit began to become automatic. He'd get the urge to smoke, reach for the pack, and then, before pulling it out, he was already rubbing his fingers together, as though shredding the cigarette.

Try to catch yourself when you find yourself doing the habit and stop yourself as soon as you can. Start the alternative behaviour you decided you wanted to do instead. As often as you can, imagine being in the situation that triggers the habit. Rehearse the new behaviour in your mind. Using mental practice increases your chances of success.

Above all, BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Every time you’ve succeeded pat yourself on the back and reward yourself with something. You can break any habit you want, but you need the right strategy. So, if you have tried and failed to break a habit in the past, believe me - with a carefully worked out plan, you can do it.

Taking Back Your Power

Do you wish you could stop letting people walk all over you? Some people let their family, friends, partners or bosses routinely disrespect them. They tell themselves they deserve to be respected and deserve better than that, and for once, to do what they would like. However, when they get in situations where they have to make a decision they always let the other person win. Sometimes people who allow themselves to be used will lend items or money to others which are never returned. The person can very often be afraid to ask for them back.

A friend of mine is having a problem with her neighbour. It's only small niggling things that the neighbour is doing but it's been going on for a while and isn't showing any sign of stopping any time soon. I asked my friend why she won't confront the neighbour and simply ask them to stop. She told me that she doesn't want to create a fuss because she has to live next to her and she doesn't want any bad feeling between them. It's strange isn't it how we'll suffer in silence because we want a relationship to continue but are unsure about the consequences of standing up for ourselves.

This 'doormat' type of behaviour results in our allowing others to determine what happens in our lives. It causes feelings of helplessness, loneliness, and poor self-esteem. We may also be angry and depressed at letting others control us which traps the thoughts and feelings we have inside us. These unexpressed emotions can lead to stress and its resulting physical problems.

We all really want to be liked by everybody. Some people find it difficult to make friends. Very often the reason that a person fails to stand up for themselves with a friend or partner is that they're afraid of being alone. Because of that they'll do anything to please the other person so they won’t leave them.

The American TV presenter Dr. Phil once said "You teach people how to treat you." So .. if you let people walk over you and disrespect you, then you've just taught them that you're a person who will take whatever garbage they feel like throwing your way”.

Assertiveness means expressing our own needs, wants, and basic rights as a person without violating the rights of others. Assertive behaviour shows that we respect others and ourselves, and, in turn, elicits respect from others. It also promotes self-confidence, self-control, and feelings of positive self-worth. Being assertive is the most effective way to solve interpersonal problems because it's direct - we confront the source of the problems, enabling our message to be heard without distortion.

So how can you learn to stand up for yourself?

Change your body language
Our body language is 70% of our communication. If someone's making you feel small the usual response is to fidget or start to nod, shrug your shoulders or even offer pathetic, apologetic smiles. This show that you are about to surrender. You've lost the battle before you've even started. It's crucial to give no body language clues as to how you're actually feeling. Stand or sit upright with your legs slightly apart. Direct all of your energy into your abdomen, feel yourself rock solid.

Look the person in the eye. This shows people that you don't intend to be brushed off. If you find this difficult then look directly at the bridge of their nose or between their eyebrows. It will look to them like you are looking right into their eyes. Wait until they’re finished before you respond; don’t even bother trying to interrupt them. This is their opportunity to speak, so give it to them - just make certain that when your chance to respond comes, that you insist that nobody interrupts you.

Speak in first-person terms
Keeping your language direct and from your own point of view. Say, “I disagree” or “I won’t” or “I think.” This prevents you from launching personal attacks on others. This is about defending your actions, motives or opinions against frivolous attacks by others that try to minimise you. Being assertive does not mean that you should be rude. People are more willing to help and bend for someone who is both direct and respectful.

Don't say “I'm sorry but...” when you start to speak. Never apologise for simply standing up for yourself; you can apologise later for saying something in the heat of the moment that you didn't want to say but never apologise for defending yourself. Also leave out any references to you “finally standing up” for yourself; you should have no cause to explain.

Drop your tone of voice when finished speaking
When you want to stand up for yourself, the correct tone of voice is crucial. It’s the difference between being heard, commanding respect or simply being ignored.

Try hard not to stutter, mumble or speak softly. Use a clear, calm voice. You don't need to be loud, but you do need to make yourself heard.

Most importantly, don't finish what you are saying by raising the tone of your voice because this could undermine all your hard work. It turns what you've said from a statement into a question, and you aren’t asking anyone anything, you’re telling them. Finish what you are saying by dropping your voice down a tone from whatever level you’re speaking. Just doing this gives your words an unmistakable authority. You mean [drop the tone] what you say.

Bring the situation to an end
Someone else started this but you're going to finish it. If this means you need to stand up for yourself by delivering an ultimatum and you can afford to do so, do it: “I’m not going to change my mind on this; take it or [drop the tone] leave it.”

Most people who treat others disrespectfully - from bosses to pushy partners neither expect resistance nor know what to do when their confronted with it. It scrambles their program completely. Reassert your position if necessary, and appear as uncooperative and as unreasonable as the situation merits. However, if you're dealing with a boss it may be best to be a bit less uncooperative Perhaps suggest your own solution or, if you can live with it, a compromise.

We're all brought up to be polite, but there are times when you have to forget what your mother told you and raise your voice. Remember, the only power that anyone has over you is the power that you allow them to have. Keep your power for yourself. Life is so much better when you are treated with respect and you deserve it!

How to Create an Elevator Speech

Have you ever been at a party and someone you've never met says “So what do you do?” Then you say something like “I fix computers” or “I'm a florist” or “I'm an accountant”. Then they say “Oh..” then there's a pause and you then feel an overwhelming obligation to ask them what they do. They then say something like “I sell house insurance” or “I'm Chief Modality Officer for Information Services”. You say “Oh...” then there's another pause and soon the two of you part and go your separate ways.

It was probably a good thing. Most likely the two of you had nothing to talk about – or did you?

When you look at this scenario both of you did nothing to help either yourselves or the other person. You could be the most gifted accountant or florist. You may be a computer whizz. Neither of you gave the other an opportunity to realise how interesting each of you are.

An elevator speech is a concise, punchy, planned description that overviews the value provided by a person or organisation. It takes no more than twenty seconds which is the approximate time you might spend in an lift with a stranger and provides the answer to the listener's question, “what’s in it for me?” or “what’s in it for my organisation?”.
An elevator speech must meet the following rules:

• it must be entirely truthful.
• It must make someone think “Wow – that's interesting!” and want to find out more.

The best way to create an elevator speech that you can convincingly say without pausing, faltering, or stumbling (after you've rehearsed and committed to memory) is to start with “You know how ...?” and then state the problem you solve. Then follow up with “What I do is ...” and state how you solve the problem or meet the need and what the end result is.

As an example, here's my elevator speech.:

Q. “So what do you do Dave?”.

ME: “You know how people can have fears, mental blocks or habits that stop them achieving their goals in life? Well what I do is I help companies and individuals break through whatever that is so they can go on to achieve fantastic results in things that they previously thought difficult or even impossible.”

Can you see the difference? The usual response is something like “Wow...how do you do that? That must be so rewarding” Before you know it we're having a conversation and they are looking for ways I can help either them or someone they know.

Consider these two responses:
“I'm a wedding planner”

“You know how couples really want their wedding to be the most special day of their lives? Often they have incredibly busy lives and don't know who to trust when it comes to organising things. Well what I do is take all of that off their hands. I coordinate the whole thing for them and take the time and effort into getting things just right so that they can have the sort of wedding they've always dreamed of”.

What about this:

“I fix computers”

“You know how people rely their computers more and more nowadays. It can be really distressing when you've got hours of work or priceless family photos on there and a computer virus gets in and destroys them all or it breaks down. Well what I do is use specialist software to rescue all those precious lost files and then get the computer working again as good as new.”

or one last example...

“I'm an accountant”

“You know how tax rules can be so complicated? People often end up paying far more tax than they should or heavy fines where there was no need to. Well what I do is look after all of that for them and show them how they can keep more of their hard earned cash for themselves and their loved ones instead of giving it away to the Chancellor.”

Having a well rehearsed elevator speech means that you will never be stuck for something to say and you will ALWAYS be seen as an interesting person to talk to. If you're in business it can also bring you customers from places you never expected!

How To Get A Good Nights Sleep

Recent studies show that 55% of the worlds populations are are not sleeping well. To look and feel fresh, you need to get approximately seven to nine hours of deep, restful and quality sleep each night. Sleep is a valuable and restorative resource that’s vital to well-being and stress management, but can sometimes be hard to come by for the busy and stressed. Here are some effective night-time habits to get into, to help enhance the amount and quality of sleep you get!

1. Light Exercise

Working at the office might make you sweat mentally, but it’s not giving your body enough exercise. People who have physical jobs tend to experience fewer problems with insomnia than those with office jobs because their bodies feel exhaustion too. Get plenty of exercise in the day so you’ll be naturally tired. Exercise will also help you get more oxygen to relax more. Remember not to exercise at least a couple of hours before bed so that you have time to wind down afterwards.

2. Take things that don't support sleep and romance out of your bedroom.

The purpose of your bedroom is ultimately to recharge you to be ready to deal with life. If you aren't sleeping well, take a good look around your room. Do you have a computer or work desk in there? Exercise equipment? TV? Telephone? And if you have them all in there, it's no wonder you have trouble sleeping! They don't do anything to help you relax or get to sleep. Find new homes for them. If you need to have a telephone in your bedroom, at least turn the ringer off. Sleep is too important to let wrong numbers wake you up!

3. Dust!

Keep your bedroom as well dusted as you can. Excess dust in your room makes it harder for you to breathe. It can cause allergy symptoms and seriously disturb your sleep. Dust frequently, especially if you have pets. Remember, don't only do the surfaces! Many people let dust collect under beds, furniture, on curtains, etc. for months and sometimes even years. Do in-depth dusting at least once a month and you will sleep much better.

4. Change the sheets!

Your sheets can be a source of your insomnia partly because they collect dust. Make sure you change your sheets at least once a week, but for some people who are very sensitive to dust, every 3 to 5 days works much better.

5. Keep a pen and paper by your bedside.

If you can't sleep, often it's because your mind is racing. Perhaps you are getting lots of ideas to solve a problem at work, or you are worried about a meeting tomorrow. Whatever is rolling around in your brain and won't stop, you need to get your thoughts on paper so you can get them off your mind! Keeping a journal has many stress and health benefits, making it a great way to end the day. Writing in a journal before bed can clear your mind, help you process emotions, solve problems, mentally prepare for the next day, make plans, and get your thoughts out of your head and on the page, where they can be picked up the next morning. A gratitude journal can get you in a positive frame of mind for sleep, and over time helps you change your whole frame of mind to a more positive, less stressed one. Writing helps clear your mental clutter so you can get some rest!

6. Have A Bedtime Schedule

Your life may not be routine, but your body likes it that way. Try to fall asleep and wake at the same time each day. even on the weekends. Work out how many hours your body needs to feel rested and schedule your sleep that way. Once your body gets used to a routine, it will naturally want to fall asleep at the scheduled time. Keep your biological clock turning in the right direction; otherwise you will be fighting against it. To help with this...

7. Have A “Going To Bed” Ritual

If you’re like most people, there are periods of lost time where you’re doing something but you don’t actually have to think about doing it. They are so automatic that you can daydream about anything else and come back down to earth when the task is complete.

Shaving does this for me. The rest of the world disappears while I shave. For some this happens while washing their hair or taking a shower.

You can create this state before sleep by establishing a repeated pattern. This teaches the brain that the last part of the routine is sleep.

A typical pattern may be:

1) Read something light for 20 minutes

2) Check doors

3) Go upstairs

4) Toilet

5) Brush teeth

6) Set Alarm

After following such a pattern for long time, you’ll not only induce the relaxed daydreaming state, but you will able to condition yourself to make the whole process more effective. Remember that by improving your sleep you will have a dramatic impact on your body composition, performance and health. If after using these techniques you're still having trouble then talk to your GP.

Learning Life's Lessons

I have a client in his late twenties i'm working with at the moment who fears death and is literaly waiting for it to happen. Here are some lessons that he needs to learn about life

Lesson 1: Life Is Really Simple, So Why Not Keep It That Way
It's easy to get distracted from what is important in life. Society keeps telling you that the silly things like a bigger house, a nicer car or a hair on your head will make you happier. Don't fall for it.

The keys to happiness can be really simple. Happiness can be a good night's sleep, some delicious food, spending quality time with ones you love. Find the things in life that work for you and don't get distracted by all the background noise of other people telling you what you should or shouldn't do.


Lesson 2: If You Really Have To Do Something, Do It With Style
In life, you are going to have to do things you don't really want to do. If you have to do something and there is no way to avoid it, you should try to find a way to do it with style. In your life, try to do things so that your taste and values shine through. Do it with all your strength and all your energy because you have to do it anyway and you might as well feel good about how you did it afterwards.


Lesson 3: Prepare Yourself for the Obvious.
Some things in life are so obvious, like the fact that you will drop dead at some point. We spend so much time avoiding the hard facts in our lives. It's much more productive to invest the energy you would spend avoiding unpleasant things to preparing for them. If you stop denying that bad things happen and just start facing their inevitability, you may be able to find a clever way to take advantage of the things that are going to happen in your life.


Lesson 4: Change Your Life if You Don't Like It
If your life or job generally sucks, then find ways to entertain yourself and to laugh at them. If that doesn't work and you still don't like your life or your work, then change it. It's your choice. Nobody needs to sit in the mud if they don't want to.


Lesson 5: Life is Not Perfect
The source for much of the dissatisfaction we face in our lives stems from our unrealistic expectations of life.
If you thought you were going to become a millionaire by doing the lottery or get that girl by just being nice, you are going to be disappointed. If you don't expect life to be perfect you won't be unhappy when it isn't. You may be a bit bitter, but not bitterly unhappy. Face the reality!


Lesson 6: Take The Time To Have An Adventure
It's important that we take risks in life. If you never stretch yourself to try new things or have enough fun, you will have missed out on all the thrilling adventures life has to offer. If you get invited to a party or gathering, say yes no matter what.


Lesson 7: Always Try to Keep on the Sunny Side
There are two types of people in the world: those who try to enjoy life and those who just like to complain about it.
I believe happiness is a choice you make in almost every situation. Of course, you can't be happy all the time But, I do think that when there are moments that you can take pleasure and feel happiness, you should try to do so.


Lesson 8: It's Great To Be Different!
There is too much conformity in the world. Being the same as everyone else is not always a good thing. So when you can and when you feel the desire, don't be afraid to be a little different.


Lesson 9: Be Who You Really Are
Don't fight who you are. Even if you do try to hide it, people can see right through you and see what you really are. So, learn to be happy with yourself and acknowledge both your unique strengths and weaknesses.


Lesson 10: Life Goes So Quickly
Life is short. You are only on this earth for a very short period of time. Make sure you enjoy it's many pleasures. Take what you love and enjoy it now, as it may not be there tomorrow. If you haven't seen the wonder of the Pyramids or Australia, or felt the pleasure of drinking the finest of real ales, or danced the Salsa. DO IT NOW!!!

WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO SET GOALS ?

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there." In order words, how do you know where you want to go if you don't have a goal?

Having a goal enables you to focus your energies on devising ways to achieve it. When you make a decision and begin focusing on achieving a specific goal (and even better in a specific period of time), your unconscious mind goes to work and begins testing ideas and developing strategies of various ways to successfully complete it.

Your conscious and unconscious start working on it and begin to develop an action plan. You will find you begin asking yourself questions about what needs to be done so you reach your goal. You may find yourselves coming up with amazing ideas and solutions to problems or obstacles that might have been in the way of achieving it.

Our unconscious mind is an extremely powerful tool. The more often you remind yourself of your goal, the more your mind will work on ways for you to achieve it. Some people find answers come to them when they are asleep and dreaming.

Have you ever noticed that there is no correlation between being wealthy and having a high IQ or a university degree? If there were, every doctor and university graduate would be wealthy, and as statistics show, most of them end up in the same situation as 95% of the population. The biggest thing that the majority of independently wealthy people have in common is that they set goals for themselves and achieved them.

Setting Goals.

1. Pick ONE Goal: This is important! You can only achieve your goals if you focus on them one at a time. Once your goal has been accomplished or made into a stable habit you can start on the next goal.

2. Start Small and Easy: The best way to succeed with your first goal is to pick something you are already doing, once in awhile, but want to do daily. This will build your self confidence as you achieve the goal and help prepare you to work on future goals.

3. Simplify: Choose a small, specific goal, or break up larger goals into small pieces that can be done on a daily basis. Big successes start with little ones.

4. Write It Down: Write your goal in large letters and place it where you will see it several times a day. Putting your goal to paper makes it official: You Want It!

5. Keep Track Every Day: This step is VERY IMPORTANT! If you don't keep track of your daily progress you won't progress. Everything we accomplish takes DAILY steps which turns the goal into a habit.

6. You Have To Want It: If you don't really want to do it, you won't succeed. Pick goals you want to achieve or change your attitude so you REALLY do want it.

7. Make the Time: You have to MAKE the time or you won't MAKE the goal. Pick a time when you will work on your goal, such as early in the morning, late at night, during lunch, when children are occupied. If you "just don't have the time" then wake up earlier. Most people only need 6 hours of deep sleep.

The Power Of Gratitude

Being grateful is absolutely vital to living a really good life. Over the years I’ve learned that it’s hard to be angry or upset and grateful at the same time. Of course, life can be hard sometimes and yes bad things happen, but despite what life throws at me I can always be grateful for what I DO have.

When you're grateful, you see the world in a completely different way. You learn to see that there are always good things behind everything that happens. You come to realise that your life is actually pretty wonderful.

So how you become a grateful person?

1. Realise how rich you are
So often we think that we need more and more money to be happy. This, probably, is one of the main reasons that makes us difficult to be grateful. But do you realize how rich you are right now? If you doubt this, visit Global Rich List, enter your annual income, and see the result. If you earn just £5,000 per year (and most likely you actually do earn more) you are in the top 13% richest people in the world!

2. Realise what a healthy and prosperous life you have.
Life expectancy over most of human history was only 20-35 years. Most of those lives were spent in diseases, poverty, and misery. Only in the last century has human life expectancy increased significantly to the current average of 67 years.

It is estimated that there are 106 billion people who have ever been born on earth, with 6 billions are living today. This fact coupled with Point 1 means most likely you are healthier and more prosperous than 99% of people in human history! You are in the top 1% of the healthiest and most prosperous people ever born.

3. Realise what a blessing it is to live in peace
No matter how rich and healthy you are, life will be full of fear and misery in the time of war. Can you imagine being in the midst of a city bombarded with bombs? Can you imagine being on the spot in countries at war? Just living in peace deserves your sincerest gratitude!

4. Open your eyes to see the good things in your life
We tend to see the bad things that happen in our lives but so often overlook all the good things. Even small things matter. If someone considers you a friend, that’s something you should be grateful for.

5. Maintain a “good things that happen in my life” journal
Why not write the good things that happen in your life in a journal? When bad things come and life looks grim and it can be difficult for you to be grateful, open and read your journal. You will soon start to see the wonderful life that you have and this will give you a renewed strength to overcome your problems.

6. Understand that there are ALWAYS positive things behind all the bad things that happen
This might be difficult for some people, but I firmly believe it and have had this proven to me time and time again in my own life. At the very least, bad things give you valuable lessons you should be grateful for. When you have this mindset, it’s not difficult to see the good things you could get out of something bad. This way you will always have reasons to be grateful.

7. Focus on giving
You will always be grateful if your mind focuses on what you have rather than what you don’t have. By giving, your mind will focus on what you have (you can’t give something you haven't got, can you?). Most people focus on receiving which makes their mind focus on what they don’t have. If you're always chasing what you don't have then no wonder it’s difficult for you to be grateful!

8. Decide to be a grateful person
It’s entirely up to you to decide whether or not you want to be a grateful person. If you decide to be a grateful person, then you will be one. The same thing happens the other way around. No matter what happens to you, it is still you who decides how you will respond. So make the decision to be a grateful person!

Reduce Your Workload

Everyone is so busy at work. We say "yes"to superiors because we want to please them. But when eventually we take on too much and can't continue, we let them down, we become stressed out and we feel guilty. Here's a terrific way to reduce your workload and your stress levels:

When a superior asks you to do a new urgent task;

1. Say that you've no problem doing the new task but remind them that you are working on other projects that they've already identified as top priorities. Managers are very busy people. It's possible that your boss has forgotten the many other things they've already asked you to do today.

2. Ask your boss for help in deciding where the new task should fall on the list of priorities – which do they want you to do first? This takes the pressure off you. If your boss says put another task on the back-burner, it's their decision not yours and you're in the clear if it's a bad judgement call.

3. Point out that you might be able to do everything, but not to the usual high standards that are expected.

If it's really urgent your boss will reallocate either the new task or one of your existing to a colleague with a lower workload. This takes the pressure off you!

Why being angry is bad news for the healing process

A fascinating article on the BBC website today:

'Anger control' key to recovery
Learning to control your anger may may also speed up the healing process after surgery, US research suggests.
The Brain Behavior and Immunity study indicates stress has a major impact on the body's ability to repair itself.

Nearly 100 participants were asked to rate how well they could control their temper, and the speed at which they recovered from a blister was monitored. Hotheads were more than four times likely to take more than four days to heal than mild-mannered counterparts.

The team at Ohio State University gave participants blisters on one of their arms and then monitored how the wound healed over the course of eight days. They were asked to fill in a questionnaire which looked at how anger was expressed - whether externally, by shouting at others, for instance, or internally, when one rages insides but keeps a cool exterior. They were also asked to judge their general ability to manage their anger.

Whether one directed one's anger externally or internally proved to have no bearing on recovery - what was crucial was just how much control the individual was able to exert over their feelings. Those with low anger control produced higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which was in turn, associated with delayed healing. "Such stress-induced delays in healing could increase the susceptibility to infection at the wound site, a process that fuels further decrease in the speed of repair," the team, led by Jean-Philippe Gouin, wrote. They suggested that therapeutic strategies such as relaxation, or even cognitive therapy, could help those at risk make a swifter recovery.

Bedside manner
The team sought to ensure the association between anger control and healing was not explained by other health factors by taking into account sleep, amount of physical activity and alcohol consumption. Four participants ended up being excluded because these details were missing, but for the rest of them, anger control still proved to be the most significant factor affecting recovery. The findings also tally with others in the field of stress and recovery.

One study for example found women caring for a spouse or parent with dementia took on average 24% longer to heal a wound than a control group. Another found that even marital spats could slow down recovery from a simple wound.

Steve Bloom, professor of metabolic medicine at Imperial College, London, said stress was now increasingly recognized as a factor in recovery rates. "Your body prioritises and sorts one thing out at a time, so if you are stressed - angry in this case - your body works through that before it gets on with the process of healing. "We've yet to see a study that categorically proves having an attentive, calming presence by your bedside actually speeds up your recovery, but the evidence is certainly pointing that way."

Past Life Regression

I was approached by a magazine this week to undertake a Past Life regression with one of their readers who has had a cleanliness and tidyness obsession his entire life. The gentleman in question also hates other people touching his things. It began to manifest itself about aged 2 or 3. He would, as a child, feel compelled to tidy up and to put his toys in order etc.

As the problem had always been there but steadily got worse, his family approached the magazine to investigate whether the problem originated in a previous life. Whilst this isn't something I do a great deal of, a Past Life regression has sometimes enabled people to let a problem go so I was happy to help.

We couldn't find anything that pointed to a starting point in this lifetime, only very early memories from 3 or 4 years old of tidying toys away so I took him back further...

The story he told was certainly of a bad life in the past. Lived on the street and had no possessions. He stole from the local market to feed himself. He fell ill in his early teens and was carried off by soldiers in a cart with other ill people and some dead bodies. He apparently died of some sort of plague on the floor of a dark room.

Who knows? It could explain why he "protects" his things by keeping them clean and tidy and why he doesn't like anyone else touching them. If he was used to having nothing then what possessions he now has will be doubly precious. It could also explain his desire for cleanliness in case the disease returns...

Road Rage - A Growing Problem

There was a really interesting programme on BBC1 earlier in the week discussing the growing problem of Road Rage.

It's a really strange thing isn't it? Most of us are rational human beings going about our normal daily lives and wouldn't dream of harming another person intentionally. Very often the perpetrators of violent attacks due to road rage were just ordinary people going home after a hard day at work. Often, the incident that caused the person to become enraged may have been something quite simple and even trivial.

Let's face it we all get annoyed sometimes. The difference is how we deal with it. We all have anger, it's an important human emotion and if we don't manage our emotions in the car then we can all be subject to extreme road rage. Something strange happens when we get behind the wheel of a car. The problem isn't unique to the UK, it's the same around the world. People can switch from a rational human being to a lower mode - a state Psychologists sometimes refer to as 'reptilian thinking'. If we perceive that we have been attacked by another driver then we flick into that 'reptilian' mode and it can easily escalate into a duel.

Usually it consists of a bit of shouting and the odd unflattering hand signal, but it can spill over into something far more dangerous - sometimes with fatal results. For example, a person may become so angry over an aggressive driving incident that he or she overreacts and retaliates with some type of violence. These violent acts can range from a physical confrontation to an assault with a motor vehicle or a weapon and have sadly, on occasions, even resulted in the death of one of the parties involved.

Half the difficulty is the awareness gap between what people consider aggressive driving in themselves and what they recognise in others. A recent survey and found that, on average, people say that 85 per cent of drivers are aggressive, but only admit to being aggressive themselves three per cent of the time.

If you get wound up when driving it might help to consider the following points:

1. You wouldn't get angry if someone stopped suddenly or changed direction without warning whilst you were out walking or cut in front of you with their shopping trolley at the supermarket. Why should it be any different now?

2. Roads are like “moving communities where the drivers around you are your neighbours, not your enemies. You'd most likely hold the door open for someone at the bank or shop. Why not hold the space open to let them through?

3. If something negative happens on the road, ask yourself the following question:

“Will it matter tomorrow?”

If the answer is no then ask yourself the following question:

“Will it matter in an hour's time”

When you think about it, it's extremely unlikely that it will. Why not let the matter drop now?

4. Tell yourself how much better it is to stay calm and rational, how much you prefer being this way, how you want to be more tolerant and supportive, and how you don’t need any hassles, etc. Congratulate yourself on overcoming your anger.

Have the courage to conquer your road rage! Make life on the road more enjoyable, more comfortable and safer for everyone.

Planning Your New Year's Resolution

At the beginning of 2007 an estimated seven million Britons made New Year's resolutions - half of whom apparently make the same resolution every year, according to surveys.

A total of 46% of people pledged to sort out their finances, Of 1,000 people questioned, a fifth planned to lose weight and eat more healthily and 8% to give up smoking.

One in four said they had given up on their previous years resolutions within a week.

And 39% of good intentions had been abandoned by the end of January.

Of those planning financial changes, half wanted to save more and half wanted to budget better.

A third pledged to get out of debt and the same amount wanted to invest more.

A quarter of people hoped to get on to the property ladder during the year and one in 10 people planned to sort out their pension.

Just under a tenth promised to take more exercise and 4% said they would cut down on alcohol.

Over the next few posts I'll be giving you some help to enable you to keep that commitment strong and make those New Year resolutions a reality. But first you might want to think about it properly beforehand:

Is this the right time for you?
If you're deciding to make a new start in your life, then you have to be 100% sure that the time is right for you. Just because January is the most obvious time to make resolutions, it doesn't mean that you'll stick to them. There's no point whatsoever making a resolution if you don't even think you'll make it through the first day. Be true to yourself. If you don't feel ready, spend a while longer getting your head around it. If you're serious about changing your life, why not consider a date that isn't so loaded with expectation - one which you can work towards on your own terms?

One of the ways you can determine if it's the right time to change is by using a method called Cartesian Logic:

Cartesian Logic
In order to ensure that this is definitely the right time for you to change, it's important that you examine this decision from every perspective. There are many parts of your life, for example family, work relationships,friends etc. This decision may have an effect on those parts so it's helpful to make sure that we don't gain from one area at the expense of another.

Find a pen and paper. Divide the paper into four sections and write down the following questions as headings:

What WILL happen if I do this?

What WON'T happen if you do this?

What WILL happen if I DON'T do this?

What WON'T happen if you DON'T do this?

Now answer these questions as honestly as you can. Review all that you've written and only if, having done the exercise, you are certain that your commitment remains strong should you consider the resolution.

Fix Your Broken Heart

So many relationships nowadays end with someone's broken heart. It's important to remember is that your heart will mend. We've all been there. I bet loads of people that you know have had their hearts broken in the past. Very likely they are absolutely fine now and one day you'll be fine too. But if you've just ended a relationship, right now it's probably hard for you to believe that.

Often only one person wants to end the relationship and that leaves the other person broken hearted. When a relationship ends for some it may take months if not years for them to recover. A broken heart can feel like the worst pain imaginable. It can also seem like it will never end - luckily it does.

Here are some things you can do to fix your broken heart.

Forgiveness.
The first step is to forgive yourself for all the wrong that you feel you did during the relationship and then forgive the other person for any wrong you feel they did. If you forgive then you can start to move forward.

Self-esteem
Work on rebuilding your self-esteem. See my article on self-esteem and how to rebuild it.

Getting over your first love
This can sometimes be difficult because we all think our first, real, magical,love will last forever. But we don't normally look at friends and their teen relationships and think that they will last forever. It's extremely rare for people to fall in love at 17 or 18 and stay with that person for the rest of their lives. But this doesn't prevent us from feeling that our own first love is magical, wonderful, special and unique. So when that love ends it can be utterly devastating.

But this romance has shown you how much love you have to give. We all need love, every one of us. It's the one thing that unites us all. People with love to give are attractive individuals that everyone of the opposite sex is looking for. One day, you'll look back at your first love and realise that it was tremendous practice for later relationships.

But right now...

Be gentle with yourself
A broken heart makes us feel utterly destroyed. Treat yourself as if you are recovering from a bad illness or an accident. Get as much sleep as possible. Eat well. Convalesce. Let other take people care of you, too. And, importantly, let yourself cry when you need to - even if you're a man. This gets rid of the pain and tension you're holding in and you'll feel so much better afterwards.

Get out and about
At first you may not want to see, but soon you'll find that there are some good things about being single. See your friends. Remember, they've most likely been there too. You'll find that this is an ideal time to do things that you didn't do with your ex-partner. Get a hobby that involves you meeting people, take an evening class. Most importantly GET OUT IN THE WORLD.

See how the relationship and the person for how they actually were.
Try to look back at your relationship as it really was, not through the rose-tinted spectacles you've been wearing. There are always aspects of our past relationships that weren't right, and this is a good time to focus on them. Make a list of the things that you don't miss about your ex-partner. Right now you no doubt think that you love everything about them, but you don't. Nobody does - it's a simple fact of life! Perhaps they smoke but you don't or they break wind or have some other habit that bugged you. Maybe they put you down or made you feel stupid in front of your friends or theirs.

The Rebound
It's natural when a relationship ends that we want to find someone new to love us as soon as possible. DON'T DO IT!! Give yourself the gift of experiencing your single life for a few months. There may be times that you end up having sex (safe sex please!) with other people but your emotions will be fragile for a while. It's great to have fun, but don't go looking for anything serious until you have a happy, single life without thinking about your ex partner.