How To Break A Habit

Habits help us but they can also haunt us. Some habits even become obsessive compulsive, such as nail biting, hair pulling & skin picking. Others such as smoking & drinking can alter our lives & even threaten them.

But habits can be broken just as easily as they are created and here’s a way to do it.

Decide how serious you are about breaking the habit. This is going to take a bit of time, effort and concentration. You’re going to have to pay attention to your behaviour so that you can change it. If you don’t have the motivation and commitment to do this then don’t waste your time. But if you do…

It’s important to realise that, regardless of how strange it might seem, behind every behaviour there is a positive intent. Almost without failure the reason for the behaviour clicks into our mind just before we actually do it. Often though that thought that tells us the positive intent comes and goes so quickly in our consciousness that we miss it.

Identify the times, situations and your emotional state when you perform the behaviour or you’re about to perform it. What does this habit do for you? Is it a way to deal with feelings of boredom, anxiety, stress, anger? Habits become automatic so conscious awareness is critical. When you can anticipate that you are about to perform your habitual behaviour before you actually do, you are likely to be more effective in stopping it.

Identify an incompatible behaviour that you can perform to interrupt or pre-empt the problem behaviour. Think of what you could do instead of the habit that would be a more positive way to deal with the feelings or situation. One great example I heard of was a smoker who decided to quit but instead of just shunning cigarettes he always kept a pack with him. He wanted to be able to reach for a cigarette just like normal. So he kept them where he knew they would trigger his habit.

As soon as he caught himself pulling out the pack and taking out a cigarette, he inserted a new habit to piggyback on the old one. With the unlit cigarette in his hand, he'd walk to a waste paper bin and shred the tobacco between his fingers and throw it away. Then he'd slip the pack back into his pocket. He could always pull out a second one and smoke it if he wanted to, but now he had a choice. That second one wasn't a habit-only the first one was. He continued to "use" 3-4 packs a day for a few days, but gradually that new, piggybacked habit began to become automatic. He'd get the urge to smoke, reach for the pack, and then, before pulling it out, he was already rubbing his fingers together, as though shredding the cigarette.

Try to catch yourself when you find yourself doing the habit and stop yourself as soon as you can. Start the alternative behaviour you decided you wanted to do instead. As often as you can, imagine being in the situation that triggers the habit. Rehearse the new behaviour in your mind. Using mental practice increases your chances of success.

Above all, BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Every time you’ve succeeded pat yourself on the back and reward yourself with something. You can break any habit you want, but you need the right strategy. So, if you have tried and failed to break a habit in the past, believe me - with a carefully worked out plan, you can do it.

Believing In Yourself

Henry Ford once said "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right".

We've all met a wannabe entrepreneur - the kind of person that talks about starting a business but never actually takes the dive and does anything. Perhaps they spend all their time reading books on the subject but never really do anything to get things going?

They always seem to have excuses. They say…
" I’m too old to start now."
" I don’t know enough to be in business for myself."
" I can’t afford it."
" I will never be able to get finance."
" The economy is too unpredictable."

The amazing thing is that sometimes these people don’t even like where they are right now in life. I know several people who absolutely hate their jobs but prefer to suffer rather than actually look for a better one. It’s pretty clear that these people just don’t believe in themselves. They don’t believe they can actually become a success so they just keep doing what they’ve always done never moving forward.

Here are some simple ways to start learning how to believe in yourself and your abilities.

Get some paper and list every one of those things you really believe about yourself and your abilities or the lack of them. List them whether they are large or small. Once you have that list go through each belief and examine it. Ask yourself the following questions about each:

1. Is this true?
2. What is the proof?
3. Has there ever been a time when this wasn’t true?
4. If there hasn’t, what would you do if it wasn’t true?
5. If the belief is that you can’t or shouldn’t do something, what would happen if you did?

Then go and do whatever it is you feel you can't. It doesn't matter if you do it better than anyone else or if you don't do it as well as you would like. It only matters that you do it.

So often we allow self-defeating assumptions that leave us believing we can’t succeed. Very often this is caused by people in our lives who’ve impressed their own beliefs on us. If you accept this you are doing yourself a great disservice and giving your power to someone else. To reach your goals in life, believing in yourself is extremely important.

It is time to push beyond what you believe are your capabilities. The assumptions you have about yourself may not be true. You have simply accepted these assumptions as truth without proof. Consider all the possibilities of each situation. Challenge the assumptions and have an open mind to the possibility that you could be wrong!

Once you’ve challenged your belief, found that it wasn’t true and made a start, stay motivated. This can be tough if the people around you are always telling you what you can’t do instead of what you can do. There will always be someone who wants to bring you down, that is just a part of life. Of course it hurts when it’s someone whose opinion you value, like a spouse, family member or friend, but move beyond that and stay positive. Keeping a positive outlook will also improve your motivation. Try being a little arrogant, it's OK sometimes. KNOW that you can achieve what you set out to do. Don't allow the negativity and ridicule of others to destroy your motivation. Stay focused and keep believing. You’re well on the way to success!

Great Job Interviews

Confident candidates who perform really well at interviews give employers more reason to say 'yes.

So how do you give your best interview performance?

1. Making eye contact is vital but try not to stare. Direct eye contact shows that you are an open, relaxed,and honest person. Giving eye contact when you are talking to the interviewer communicates that you are interested in them and that you are feeling good about yourself.

2. Smiling is one of the most powerful things you can do. If you smile it will immediately give the interviewer a positive impression of you and it will help you to get over any feelings of nervousness. You never know - you may even get a smile in return!

3. If you use the interviewer's name during the interview you will immediately create rapport. They will listen far more intently to what you have to say if you make a reference to their name as you speak.

4. Listening is a fantastic way to calm your nerves. Summarising what the person has just said is a very good way to show that you have heard, taken in and are able to comment on it. You can also pay attention to the interviewer's pace and pitch when they speak and see if you can match it. You'll really witness a positive response in the other person.

Most important of all - enjoy it!

Fix Your Broken Heart

So many relationships nowadays end with someone's broken heart. It's important to remember is that your heart will mend. We've all been there. I bet loads of people that you know have had their hearts broken in the past. Very likely they are absolutely fine now and one day you'll be fine too. But if you've just ended a relationship, right now it's probably hard for you to believe that.

Often only one person wants to end the relationship and that leaves the other person broken hearted. When a relationship ends for some it may take months if not years for them to recover. A broken heart can feel like the worst pain imaginable. It can also seem like it will never end - luckily it does.

Here are some things you can do to fix your broken heart.

Forgiveness.
The first step is to forgive yourself for all the wrong that you feel you did during the relationship and then forgive the other person for any wrong you feel they did. If you forgive then you can start to move forward.

Self-esteem
Work on rebuilding your self-esteem. See my article on self-esteem and how to rebuild it.

Getting over your first love
This can sometimes be difficult because we all think our first, real, magical,love will last forever. But we don't normally look at friends and their teen relationships and think that they will last forever. It's extremely rare for people to fall in love at 17 or 18 and stay with that person for the rest of their lives. But this doesn't prevent us from feeling that our own first love is magical, wonderful, special and unique. So when that love ends it can be utterly devastating.

But this romance has shown you how much love you have to give. We all need love, every one of us. It's the one thing that unites us all. People with love to give are attractive individuals that everyone of the opposite sex is looking for. One day, you'll look back at your first love and realise that it was tremendous practice for later relationships.

But right now...

Be gentle with yourself
A broken heart makes us feel utterly destroyed. Treat yourself as if you are recovering from a bad illness or an accident. Get as much sleep as possible. Eat well. Convalesce. Let other take people care of you, too. And, importantly, let yourself cry when you need to - even if you're a man. This gets rid of the pain and tension you're holding in and you'll feel so much better afterwards.

Get out and about
At first you may not want to see, but soon you'll find that there are some good things about being single. See your friends. Remember, they've most likely been there too. You'll find that this is an ideal time to do things that you didn't do with your ex-partner. Get a hobby that involves you meeting people, take an evening class. Most importantly GET OUT IN THE WORLD.

See how the relationship and the person for how they actually were.
Try to look back at your relationship as it really was, not through the rose-tinted spectacles you've been wearing. There are always aspects of our past relationships that weren't right, and this is a good time to focus on them. Make a list of the things that you don't miss about your ex-partner. Right now you no doubt think that you love everything about them, but you don't. Nobody does - it's a simple fact of life! Perhaps they smoke but you don't or they break wind or have some other habit that bugged you. Maybe they put you down or made you feel stupid in front of your friends or theirs.

The Rebound
It's natural when a relationship ends that we want to find someone new to love us as soon as possible. DON'T DO IT!! Give yourself the gift of experiencing your single life for a few months. There may be times that you end up having sex (safe sex please!) with other people but your emotions will be fragile for a while. It's great to have fun, but don't go looking for anything serious until you have a happy, single life without thinking about your ex partner.

The Importance Of Positive Thinking

Hi everyone!
I read a wonderful story recently that beautifully shows how things can change once you let negativity start to invade your thoughts. If you imagine the worst in people and treat them accordingly then you're very likely to be proven correct. It's much better to expect good things of people, treat them positively and they will usually be good and positive in response.:

Murphy's Plough

McGinty, a farmer, needed to plough his field before the dry spell set in, but his own plough had broken.

"I know, I'll ask my neighbour, farmer Murphy, to borrow his plough. He's a good man; I'm sure he'll have done his ploughing by now and he'll be glad to lend me his machine."

So McGinty began to walk the three or four fields to Murphy's farm.

After a field of walking, McGinty says to himself, "I hope that Murphy has finished all his own ploughing or he'll not be able to lend me his machine..."

Then after a few more minutes of worrying and walking, McGinty says to himself, "And what if Murphy's plough is old and on it's last legs - he'll never be wanting to lend it to me will he?.."

And after another field, McGinty says, "Murphy was never a very helpful fellow, I reckon maybe he won't be too keen to lend me his plough even if it's in perfect working order and he's finished all his own ploughing weeks ago...."

As McGinty arrives at Murphy's farm, McGinty is thinking, "That old Murphy can be a mean old fellow. I reckon even if he's got all his ploughing done, and his own machine is sitting there doing nothing, he'll not lend it to me just so watch me go to ruin..."

McGinty walks up Murphy's front path, knocks on the door, and Murphy answers.

"Well good morning Mr McGinty, what can I do for you?" says Murphy.

And McGinty says, with eyes bulging, "You can take your bl**dy plough, and you can stick it up your bl**dy a**e!"

I thought today I'd upload some audio which deals with positive thinking:

Positive Thinking