A few years ago I was reading a magazine while I was waiting to get my hair cut. There was a letter from a girl recalling an embarrassing incident that happened to her. She was going for an interview and had made a huge effort to look great.
Apparently she had arrived early and so went to the cafe across the road to have a coffee and steady her nerves. As she left the cafe she tripped over an umbrella that was poking out from behind an elderly gentleman’s seat. She ended up sprawled face first over this gentleman's full English breakfast and her outfit was covered. She was so upset that unfortunately she screamed and swore at the man for his carelessness despite his profuse apologies. She went into the toilets to try to clean herself off and when she emerged the man was gone and she made her way to the interview intending to apologise for her appearance and explain. When she arrived, who was the interviewer? That's right - the man from the cafe! She didn't get the job purely because of her reaction and lack of courtesy to an elderly man when things had gone wrong.
You never have a second chance to make a first impression, so what happens when that first impression is a negative one?
Have any of these situations happened to you? Forgetting your client’s name, unintentionally insulting a co-worker, sending a racy e-mail to the wrong person, or asking a woman’s due date when she’s not pregnant?
If we lived in a perfect world none of these things would happen, but the truth is, we all make mistakes. Great communicators are not only aware of how their actions impact on others; they also know how to respond in uncomfortable situations. If handled properly, mistakes can actually serve to strengthen your image and help you gain respect. If you’ve committed a social faux pas here are some ways you can recover.
Apologize Immediately. Time is of the essence when it comes to damage control for your image. As soon as you realize that you may have offended someone, address it. The more time that passes, the more the story can become blown out of proportion. Last impressions stick just as surely as first impressions, So take control of the situation by making your last impression a positive, sincere apology.
Avoid Over-Apologizing. Saying you’re sorry is important, but overdoing it can create another uncomfortable situation. First, your goal in apologizing is to acknowledge your mistake and re-position yourself as being responsible and sensitive. If you repeatedly bring up the past, groveling and begging for forgiveness, you’re defeating your purpose. Second, it puts the other person in the uncomfortable position of having to constantly reassure you. Eventually that person may choose to avoid you altogether.
Don’t make assumptions about the other person. It’s easy to assume that others think the worst of you, but usually what we imagine is far worse than reality. Approach your apology by owning your feelings rather than telling others how you assume they feel. This gives you a chance to test their viewpoint and get a real handle on the situation. So, instead of starting out with, “You must think I’m a total idiot…” speak for yourself, “I feel bad about how I behaved yesterday because I realized I might have offended you. Did you feel the same way?” Starting out this way also prevents over-apologizing because the other person may think it was no big deal.
Be Sincere in your apology. No matter what the circumstances, a sincere apology requires three steps. Firstly, own what happened fully without blaming it on other people or circumstances. Secondly, once you know, acknowledge how your actions affected the other person - which means listening without defending yourself. Thirdly, commit to what you will do differently in the future to avoid making the same mistake.
Try something like, “I want to apologize for what I said yesterday. From what you’ve told me, I can hear how much my comments offended you and caused embarrassment. I want you to know that in the future I will be more sensitive.”
Apologize in person. Please don’t hide behind e-mail. No matter how embarrassing it might be, the most sincere apologies are given in person. If that's not possible, pick up the phone. Face-to-face communication is necessary for feedback and clarification. The last thing you want to do is prolong or create another misunderstanding.
Sometimes Humour can work well. Depending on the situation, a little self-deprecating humour can save you. It breaks the tension and provides an opening for you to recover. Make sure it’s directed only at you and doesn’t increase anybody else’s level of discomfort. Be careful not to over do it. Too much self-deprecation can have the same effect as over-apologizing.
Apparently she had arrived early and so went to the cafe across the road to have a coffee and steady her nerves. As she left the cafe she tripped over an umbrella that was poking out from behind an elderly gentleman’s seat. She ended up sprawled face first over this gentleman's full English breakfast and her outfit was covered. She was so upset that unfortunately she screamed and swore at the man for his carelessness despite his profuse apologies. She went into the toilets to try to clean herself off and when she emerged the man was gone and she made her way to the interview intending to apologise for her appearance and explain. When she arrived, who was the interviewer? That's right - the man from the cafe! She didn't get the job purely because of her reaction and lack of courtesy to an elderly man when things had gone wrong.
You never have a second chance to make a first impression, so what happens when that first impression is a negative one?
Have any of these situations happened to you? Forgetting your client’s name, unintentionally insulting a co-worker, sending a racy e-mail to the wrong person, or asking a woman’s due date when she’s not pregnant?
If we lived in a perfect world none of these things would happen, but the truth is, we all make mistakes. Great communicators are not only aware of how their actions impact on others; they also know how to respond in uncomfortable situations. If handled properly, mistakes can actually serve to strengthen your image and help you gain respect. If you’ve committed a social faux pas here are some ways you can recover.
Apologize Immediately. Time is of the essence when it comes to damage control for your image. As soon as you realize that you may have offended someone, address it. The more time that passes, the more the story can become blown out of proportion. Last impressions stick just as surely as first impressions, So take control of the situation by making your last impression a positive, sincere apology.
Avoid Over-Apologizing. Saying you’re sorry is important, but overdoing it can create another uncomfortable situation. First, your goal in apologizing is to acknowledge your mistake and re-position yourself as being responsible and sensitive. If you repeatedly bring up the past, groveling and begging for forgiveness, you’re defeating your purpose. Second, it puts the other person in the uncomfortable position of having to constantly reassure you. Eventually that person may choose to avoid you altogether.
Don’t make assumptions about the other person. It’s easy to assume that others think the worst of you, but usually what we imagine is far worse than reality. Approach your apology by owning your feelings rather than telling others how you assume they feel. This gives you a chance to test their viewpoint and get a real handle on the situation. So, instead of starting out with, “You must think I’m a total idiot…” speak for yourself, “I feel bad about how I behaved yesterday because I realized I might have offended you. Did you feel the same way?” Starting out this way also prevents over-apologizing because the other person may think it was no big deal.
Be Sincere in your apology. No matter what the circumstances, a sincere apology requires three steps. Firstly, own what happened fully without blaming it on other people or circumstances. Secondly, once you know, acknowledge how your actions affected the other person - which means listening without defending yourself. Thirdly, commit to what you will do differently in the future to avoid making the same mistake.
Try something like, “I want to apologize for what I said yesterday. From what you’ve told me, I can hear how much my comments offended you and caused embarrassment. I want you to know that in the future I will be more sensitive.”
Apologize in person. Please don’t hide behind e-mail. No matter how embarrassing it might be, the most sincere apologies are given in person. If that's not possible, pick up the phone. Face-to-face communication is necessary for feedback and clarification. The last thing you want to do is prolong or create another misunderstanding.
Sometimes Humour can work well. Depending on the situation, a little self-deprecating humour can save you. It breaks the tension and provides an opening for you to recover. Make sure it’s directed only at you and doesn’t increase anybody else’s level of discomfort. Be careful not to over do it. Too much self-deprecation can have the same effect as over-apologizing.
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